I recently removed this post from the blog due to the person it’s about throwing a tantrum. I removed it in the hopes that she would change her behaviour with the threat of this being posted again, unfortunately for both of us her behaviour has not changed and I am therefore reposting this because it is the honest to god truth and she needs to learn that her behaviour is unacceptable and downright disgusting. Wish me luck, I’m going to need it.
Soon after starting this blog a family member found it and decided to censor me, well I’m done allowing that to happen so here we go, here’s the fucking truth.
I’ve been bullied in all kinds of ways and by all kinds of people, the worst person to bully me though, that was (and still is) a family member. I’m calling what she does ‘bullying’ but really, it’s abuse. For as long as I can remember she’s been torturing me, I have no idea why. This family member has spent her entire life so far making mine miserable, in a few different ways. She used to hurt me, really hurt me. She would pull chunks of my hair out, punch and kick me, scratch me so hard that I am actually physically scarred. But that’s only the physical damage, which I can handle, she’s spent more time emotionally drowning me than she has physically hurting me. The little bitch can’t go more than 24 hours without calling me a freak, insulting the way I look and most recently, making fun of my blog.
For many years her favourite thing to say to me was ‘kill yourself’, which as you can imagine starts to have an impact on you when you hear it daily. She takes every chance she gets to insult me in any way she can, something she has been doing for nearly 10 years now. Want to know why my teen years sucked so fucking hard? Short answer – Her. I was never home because when I was home I was physically and verbally attacked constantly without provocation, in fact the earliest memory I have is of this family member literally stabbing me in the back at the dinner table, I was around 9-10 years old at the time. Since then it’s only gotten worse.
Growing up, I always thought I was disgusting, ugly and fat, purely because of her reminding me on a daily basis. She told me I don’t deserve love or happiness and that it would be a favour to the world if I stopped existing. I believed her. For years I believed this little vindictive bitch, I believed every horrible word she said to me. It was because of how horribly she bullied me that I started drinking and doing drugs so young, I couldn’t take it. I was being bullied at home, online and at school and I just couldn’t cope. No one was there for me, the school didn’t care and my family were too busy coping with the little bitches ridiculous behaviour so I didn’t even try to talk to them. I had to escape from her, which was impossible since I lived with her, so the first chance I got I moved away from home, at 17. I didn’t want to leave my mum but I had to leave my sister, I wanted to love her, to be her big sister but she wouldn’t let me, she just kept bullying me no matter what I did so I left. When I moved back home a few months later I hoped things would be different, that maybe my sister would have dropped her unfounded hatred of me and would stop being a cunt, I was wrong to hope. If anything, it got worse after that. She made me feel so awful about myself, like I had absolutely nothing to live for. She made me feel as if the only way I would ever escape her was if I killed myself, so I tried. Thankfully a friend found me in the nick of time and stopped me from going beyond help, and soon after that I started therapy. Problem with that was I was still living with the fiend that caused my need for therapy and she wasn’t showing any sign of giving up on ruining my life.Now here I am 2 years after that and I’m living back with her again after a year apart, and yet again my hope for the better was squashed within a week. Every day she still calls me a freak, uses my diagnosis as a reason to insult and belittle me as if my feelings are invalid because of my disorder. I’m stronger now but it still fucking hurts. It hurts so much because your baby sister is supposed to look up to you and love you, not tear you down and destroy everything you’ve built for yourself. The worst part is, out of the thousands of fights we’ve had, she has started attacking me unprovoked on around 99% of them. I never did anything to her to deserve the malicious disgusting way she has treated me and the rest of my family. The funniest part of everything is that she is so warped in the head that she actually thinks she’s not done anything wrong, she’s never apologised for hurting me, not even once. You’d think after years and years of torment as a kid and teenager that she would finally take responsibility now that she’s an adult but she hasn’t, her behaviour hasn’t changed in the slightest.
I’m done letting her control my family. I will post what I want, about who I want, when the fuck I want and if she has a fucking problem with that then she doesn’t have to fucking read it.
I might be diagnosed with a mental illness but she is a psychological nightmare.
I will not be a victim anymore, it’s time to fight back.
If you or someone you know can relate to this then please don’t keep it to yourself, I didn’t say anything for nearly 7 years and I’m emotionally screwed. SPEAK OUT.
The Echo. x